I’ve mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. I’ve been in a funk for the last couple months. I’ve been mentally and emotionally tired, looking for the quick fix that would snap me out of this fog and bring me back to clarity.
As you might imagine, I haven’t found that quick fix because it doesn’t exist. What I did come to realize is that I have specific behavior and thought patterns that are holding me back, and coaching and spiritual direction hasn’t changed these specific things. So I started therapy.
Within three minutes of the first session, my therapist pegged me to the wall. She said I was a planner (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing most of the time) that has become unable to reevaluate goals and expectations. Oooh, burn. Her comment stung, mostly because she was right, and I was proud of it. I keep moving forward in spite of obstacles, regardless of how big they are or if going through the obstacle is like going though a wood chipper…it’s been my thing and I’ve worn it like a badge of honor. A bloody and bludgeoned badge of honor. I’ve been unable to reset my 2020 goals even though I’ve been encouraging all of my clients to adjust theirs. I needed a mindset shift for myself, and I wanted it quickly.
My mindset shift came at me sideways, in a book about surviving cancer. I don’t have cancer but I know the author, respect her, and wanted to support her. What she has to say hit me like a two-by-four. “Divorce yourself from expectations that aren’t serving you.” (Melanie Holscher, Becoming Ovary Jones page 53). What struck me most about this quote was the use of the word “divorce.” Divorce is an intentional severing of a relationship. That’s what I needed…an intentional separation from expectations that truly aren’t serving me.
I highlighted the sentence in my Kindle and made the conscious choice to let go of my unrealistic expectations. My unrealistic goals aren’t out of my life just yet, but they’re definitely packing their bags.
Here are two questions for you to ponder:
What expectations are you hauling around that aren’t serving you?
What will it take for you to let them go?
Stay curious friends!